Hallelujah

I am officially done with Shakespeare. I was a little delayed on finishing my final essays, but nevertheless, I did them and am now free to enjoy my summer with no academic worries. Unless I fail the final papers, but I'll deal with those emotions if and when they come later on.

So I wanted to write this last night but it was late and I got distracted by other things. I had a nice, long conversation with my good friend Sara about ex-boyfriends, because yes, I'm still stuck on mine. Not so much as stuck, just aggravated at the fact I have no say in anything. He thinks he can call the shots and my best guy friend said to me, "You're just mad he isn't YOUR friend and you aren't HIS friend." Sadly, this is true. I've had so many opportunities to cut him out of my life but still, I stayed. We haven't talked in the past few weeks and if you knew why, you would laugh at how completely and utterly absurd the reason is. He has the temper of a 5 year-old and he's supposed to be 22. I was cleaning my room the other day and found the lid of a box that was once my "Boyfriend box" and it had anything that reminded me of him or letters he'd written me. The box and its contents have since been destroyed but looking at this lid made me sad. How did we get to this point? Where exactly did we go wrong? As much as I say I'm past it and I've moved on, I'm not because I still have so many questions. I still want to know and explain so many things but these things will fall on deaf ears. He could never take me seriously enough to answer my questions which is just one of the many red flags in our so called friendship. I wonder if you ever leave your first love alone. I'm bummed but then I remind myself who is better off: I am. It's obnoxious to think I have a better life than him, but in reality, I do. I make my own money, I have friends and a life away from the computer, and I have a promising future. I have goals and aspirations and as true as this all is, why do I still feel so empty?