Jack Johnson is beautiful.
But anyway, I was so college this weekend (as I typed that, I instantly hear Asher Roth's "I love College"). Luckily today I was called off work so I can a) recover, b) work on papers and portfolios and c)get tan and delicious because it's over 80 degrees :)
I haven't had the time to blog but I've been making mental notes of things I wanted to say or talk about and go into deeper. So nerdy. One of them was the use of "lol" and how whenever you don't know what to say or if something is awkard you just say "lol". But what are we laughing at? How we can't form a coherent thought? Another one was the idea of coincidence and if anything is ever really that. I feel with the boy I want(ed) to be my bf - I see him all over the place. For instance, I saw him this morning at breakfast (where I scolded him for being a jackass on Friday) and I was wondering, what if I had gone to breakfast earlier? What drives me to eat at the time I do, to go or leave the library, to walk across campus when I do? There's a new boy on my radar and the same thing applies to him. A friend and I went to lunch on my break from work and I misjudged the time so I ended up getting to work late. He was there talking to some ladies, whatever lol, but what if I didn't misjudge my time and pull up in front of the boys dorm just then? What puts me in their path? It's interesting.
Anyway, so more about this kid - I decided I don't really want to like him. He's a really cool person and fun to hang out and drink with (and play awful card games like drunk driver.) From past expereince, I've crossed the line between friend and fwb or fw1b (friends with a 1 time benefit) and ruined a potentially nice friendship. I don't want to do that with this boy (nick name coming soon) and I feel good about it. It might be the weather but today is a positive step in the right direction for me. Summer is so close and I can't wait.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Bedtime Thoughts
I know I already blogged today but something has heppend to put a slight damper on my euphoric day of Earth and now my mind is crowded with some thoughts (and congestion).
The friend I had blogged about previously, who woke up one day and decided not to be my friend anymore, has removed me off facebook and blocked me on aim. How do I respond to this? Do I a) send her a text saying she is one of the most disappointing friends I've ever had and she's a pathetic excuse for an adult? or b) take the high road (whatever that is). I figured I was being child-like so I went to my RA and another girl who lives on my floor was in her room. We ended up having one of the best hour-long talks about friendships and relationships, being bold and putting yourself out there. They said I should say nothing because it won't solve anything and then my roommate says I deserve some closure. I'm opting to not say anything, for now at least. I just don't understand why she is acting this way, why she is being so immature. Then, of course, I was thinking about boy I want to be my b.f and how I may seem him tomorrow night at a party. I don't want him to be freaked out but if I'm going with a group of girls, it'll be fine right? I think I'll end up going and just leave if I do feel awkward. It shouldn't be - it might be a good opportunity to act like everything is ok and not awkward and I can still be fun (even though I'll want to smooch him again because he's a phenomenal kisser but I'll try hardest to fight my temptation).
I just drank a lot of nyquil without measuring because my nose is running and I feel like that might have been a bad idea. I just wish I understood people. My RA said tonight, "Losing faith in humanity one person at a time." I am but I know who my real friends and I know I'm worthy of being loved. I'll find someone. It's about me this time and I need to make myself happy.
The friend I had blogged about previously, who woke up one day and decided not to be my friend anymore, has removed me off facebook and blocked me on aim. How do I respond to this? Do I a) send her a text saying she is one of the most disappointing friends I've ever had and she's a pathetic excuse for an adult? or b) take the high road (whatever that is). I figured I was being child-like so I went to my RA and another girl who lives on my floor was in her room. We ended up having one of the best hour-long talks about friendships and relationships, being bold and putting yourself out there. They said I should say nothing because it won't solve anything and then my roommate says I deserve some closure. I'm opting to not say anything, for now at least. I just don't understand why she is acting this way, why she is being so immature. Then, of course, I was thinking about boy I want to be my b.f and how I may seem him tomorrow night at a party. I don't want him to be freaked out but if I'm going with a group of girls, it'll be fine right? I think I'll end up going and just leave if I do feel awkward. It shouldn't be - it might be a good opportunity to act like everything is ok and not awkward and I can still be fun (even though I'll want to smooch him again because he's a phenomenal kisser but I'll try hardest to fight my temptation).
I just drank a lot of nyquil without measuring because my nose is running and I feel like that might have been a bad idea. I just wish I understood people. My RA said tonight, "Losing faith in humanity one person at a time." I am but I know who my real friends and I know I'm worthy of being loved. I'll find someone. It's about me this time and I need to make myself happy.
Happy Earth Day
For those of you who read my tiny thoughts, these thoughts are no longer of the 2nd year college student but of the future 3rd year assistant editor-in-chief of the college newspaper, the Crown. How exicted am I? So excited I let a friend of mine treat me to a Hillside ice cream cone (after all, it is Earth day).
I haven't had a good day like this in a while and I'm starting to learn to be content with yourself and not have to find happiness in someone else. What do I mean? The boy I want(ed) to be my b.f/fancied has let me know he doesn't have feelings for me, but he does care about our friendship. This, oddly, is enough for me. I don't want anything about our relationship to change (although if we could make out again that would be splendid) but there's no reason we can't be friends. He doesn't like me and I'm still breathing. It's not the end of the world. Of course, it doesn't help when he wears black t-shirt's that fit him deliciously and I get sad I can't touch him whenever I please. I hope I didn't sound like a pervert just then.
I feel like today I have so many things to be positive,optimistic about (not necessarily sure of what some of these things are) but I like it. I like it a lot.
I haven't had a good day like this in a while and I'm starting to learn to be content with yourself and not have to find happiness in someone else. What do I mean? The boy I want(ed) to be my b.f/fancied has let me know he doesn't have feelings for me, but he does care about our friendship. This, oddly, is enough for me. I don't want anything about our relationship to change (although if we could make out again that would be splendid) but there's no reason we can't be friends. He doesn't like me and I'm still breathing. It's not the end of the world. Of course, it doesn't help when he wears black t-shirt's that fit him deliciously and I get sad I can't touch him whenever I please. I hope I didn't sound like a pervert just then.
I feel like today I have so many things to be positive,optimistic about (not necessarily sure of what some of these things are) but I like it. I like it a lot.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Demi Lovato and Other Revelations
I have ten minutes until my night class and I feel like a 4-year-old who has just had one too many pixie sticks and is crashing from their sugar high. My eyes are puffy from allergies and I look hideous. Mondays <3
Demi Lovato is annoying. Everything about her irritates me: how she tries to be above artists today, how she thinks she is the only one to have an edgier appearance or to incorporate guitars into her pop music (etc). She got her rise to fame doing Camp Rock, a disney channel movie with the JoBros (as I finish this sentence, my iPod shuffled to Demi - ironic much?). As much as I am not liking her as an individual, her music is growing on me. Her newest single, "Don't Forget," is the story of my life. It's honest and it cuts me deep down in the cavity I assume my guts would be. Other songs I entertain by her are "Get Back" and "La La Land" and we can't leave out the Camp Rock specials, "We Rock," "Who Will I Be," and another one I can't remember and am too lazy to look it up. But "Don't Forget" is one of the five songs I am listening to on repeat. Go figure.
Four minutes to go but I want to write about my Sunday evening. In the matter of two hours, I managed to get hurt by my friend and find out another boy who I may have liked is just not that into me. All at once, a wave of emotion hit me: betrayal, insignificance, rejected, fat. One thing I hate about me is how I put myself out there - out there naked and open - and never see the results I hope. Another boy, another missed opportunity. I'm not his type - skinny - and it just makes me wonder why I'm never given a chance, never to see if there is potential because of who I am and not what I look like. I feel utterly worthless and that I can never be good enough. I heard today, "Two tears in a bucket, fuck it," and that's perfect. No guy is worth tears and while I'm not as upset he doesn't have feelings for me, I'm going to just keep truckin until the end of the semester and use the summer to forget about the boys (synomous with assholes) I fooled around with. I need to focus on me, and I know I've said this before, but this time I mean it.
One minute. Going to be late, oh well.
Demi Lovato is annoying. Everything about her irritates me: how she tries to be above artists today, how she thinks she is the only one to have an edgier appearance or to incorporate guitars into her pop music (etc). She got her rise to fame doing Camp Rock, a disney channel movie with the JoBros (as I finish this sentence, my iPod shuffled to Demi - ironic much?). As much as I am not liking her as an individual, her music is growing on me. Her newest single, "Don't Forget," is the story of my life. It's honest and it cuts me deep down in the cavity I assume my guts would be. Other songs I entertain by her are "Get Back" and "La La Land" and we can't leave out the Camp Rock specials, "We Rock," "Who Will I Be," and another one I can't remember and am too lazy to look it up. But "Don't Forget" is one of the five songs I am listening to on repeat. Go figure.
Four minutes to go but I want to write about my Sunday evening. In the matter of two hours, I managed to get hurt by my friend and find out another boy who I may have liked is just not that into me. All at once, a wave of emotion hit me: betrayal, insignificance, rejected, fat. One thing I hate about me is how I put myself out there - out there naked and open - and never see the results I hope. Another boy, another missed opportunity. I'm not his type - skinny - and it just makes me wonder why I'm never given a chance, never to see if there is potential because of who I am and not what I look like. I feel utterly worthless and that I can never be good enough. I heard today, "Two tears in a bucket, fuck it," and that's perfect. No guy is worth tears and while I'm not as upset he doesn't have feelings for me, I'm going to just keep truckin until the end of the semester and use the summer to forget about the boys (synomous with assholes) I fooled around with. I need to focus on me, and I know I've said this before, but this time I mean it.
One minute. Going to be late, oh well.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Hello Weekend
The week has ended and as always, I am losing my patience with my job but I might be having some luck with a boy I fancy. Mm hmm, cross your fingers for me.
This weekend, when I am not attending conference or working double or closing shifts, I'll be doing work or sleeping. How exciting! The weather today was gorgeous and what did Stephanie do? She slept. Yeah, thatta girl. I ventured out on a Thursday evening, something I have not done in quite awhile, and did not get to bed until almost 4, just to wake up at 730 for breakfast and class. I'm so sleep deprived that I need to take a time out from life, put it on pause and just sleep.
This is a lame post but I just felt like rambling. Hopefully good things will be happening soon :)
This weekend, when I am not attending conference or working double or closing shifts, I'll be doing work or sleeping. How exciting! The weather today was gorgeous and what did Stephanie do? She slept. Yeah, thatta girl. I ventured out on a Thursday evening, something I have not done in quite awhile, and did not get to bed until almost 4, just to wake up at 730 for breakfast and class. I'm so sleep deprived that I need to take a time out from life, put it on pause and just sleep.
This is a lame post but I just felt like rambling. Hopefully good things will be happening soon :)
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Perfect Fifths
I've returned to Wilkes-Barre for the last two weeks of the semester and it welcomed me with gray skies and stormy weather. Yesterday was my first day back to class (the one class I have) and also the much anticipated release of Megan McCafferty's fifth and final novel of the Jessica Darling Series, Perfect Fifths.
The series goes as follows: Sloppy Firsts, Second Helpings, Charmed Thirds, Fourth Comings, and now Perfect Fifths. This series focuses on Jessica Darling and her life and relationships from high school to college and in the recent book, her life after that. Jessica is a sassy female who unavoidably falls for bad boy Marcus Flutie: a renowned substance abuser and manwhore (although when he gets involved with Jessica, he changes his ways). Through out the series, Jessica and Marcus have their ups and downs - cheating, communicating only in the form of post cards, haunted by past history and proposals - until the fourth book brings an end to their love story. I wasn't aware of the publish date for Fourth Comings so when I happened to notice it out the corner of my eye in B&N, I immediately picked up a copy. I stayed up until 5 in the morning (it was a Friday) and after I shut the book, I cried myself to sleep. I know this means I should probably talk to someone and is definitely an indication I have a problem - emotional turmoil over fictional characters - but it related so much to my own personal breakup. Don't worry, I was better about this one. Instead of staying up until 5, I stayed up until 1 (it was a school night) and did not cry. This has proven to be unwise since yesterday morning I was on the road at 530 in the morning after only getting a poor excuse of sleep. There will be no time for naps today and I'm nodding off in class like a narcoleptic. But anyway, this book was.. well, perfect, "perfect in its imperfection." There is no other way to describe it, no adjective good enough that can begin to pinpoint the feelings it invoked (well I can name one: nostalgia, again for the same ex) and how happy (although sad it is the last) to finish and shut the book. All is well that ends well (much like the Twilight Series) and the writing, the characters, the love were all the same. My heart ached for both characters, their harsh realities and personal revelations. I was fully submerged in the novel and eager to see how it would end. Perfect Fifths melted my insides into butter, into a pool of buttery goodness.
As I was reading, recognizing familiar locations like Nassau Street and Newark Liberty International Airport - it dawned on me that Marcus Flutie is the mortal Edward Cullen. He is everything a girl wants, everything a girl wants a man to feel about her, to speak to her, miss her, kiss her.. (etc). In past books, he sported inch long dreads, a terrorist like Beard and practiced meditation but since being a student at Princeton, has given into pop culture, cutting his dreads, the beard and getting wire-rimmed glasses to aid his nearsightedness. As I was reading, I was wondering what actor (if any) would be suitable to play him. Zac Efron maybe? He might be too pretty. Marcus is sort of a nerd and when I think nerdy, but cute, I think Adam Brody. I don't know how he'd look in dreads though. Who knows but I love Marcus. I love Jessica and I love Megan McCafferty for completing the series and my heart.
The series goes as follows: Sloppy Firsts, Second Helpings, Charmed Thirds, Fourth Comings, and now Perfect Fifths. This series focuses on Jessica Darling and her life and relationships from high school to college and in the recent book, her life after that. Jessica is a sassy female who unavoidably falls for bad boy Marcus Flutie: a renowned substance abuser and manwhore (although when he gets involved with Jessica, he changes his ways). Through out the series, Jessica and Marcus have their ups and downs - cheating, communicating only in the form of post cards, haunted by past history and proposals - until the fourth book brings an end to their love story. I wasn't aware of the publish date for Fourth Comings so when I happened to notice it out the corner of my eye in B&N, I immediately picked up a copy. I stayed up until 5 in the morning (it was a Friday) and after I shut the book, I cried myself to sleep. I know this means I should probably talk to someone and is definitely an indication I have a problem - emotional turmoil over fictional characters - but it related so much to my own personal breakup. Don't worry, I was better about this one. Instead of staying up until 5, I stayed up until 1 (it was a school night) and did not cry. This has proven to be unwise since yesterday morning I was on the road at 530 in the morning after only getting a poor excuse of sleep. There will be no time for naps today and I'm nodding off in class like a narcoleptic. But anyway, this book was.. well, perfect, "perfect in its imperfection." There is no other way to describe it, no adjective good enough that can begin to pinpoint the feelings it invoked (well I can name one: nostalgia, again for the same ex) and how happy (although sad it is the last) to finish and shut the book. All is well that ends well (much like the Twilight Series) and the writing, the characters, the love were all the same. My heart ached for both characters, their harsh realities and personal revelations. I was fully submerged in the novel and eager to see how it would end. Perfect Fifths melted my insides into butter, into a pool of buttery goodness.
As I was reading, recognizing familiar locations like Nassau Street and Newark Liberty International Airport - it dawned on me that Marcus Flutie is the mortal Edward Cullen. He is everything a girl wants, everything a girl wants a man to feel about her, to speak to her, miss her, kiss her.. (etc). In past books, he sported inch long dreads, a terrorist like Beard and practiced meditation but since being a student at Princeton, has given into pop culture, cutting his dreads, the beard and getting wire-rimmed glasses to aid his nearsightedness. As I was reading, I was wondering what actor (if any) would be suitable to play him. Zac Efron maybe? He might be too pretty. Marcus is sort of a nerd and when I think nerdy, but cute, I think Adam Brody. I don't know how he'd look in dreads though. Who knows but I love Marcus. I love Jessica and I love Megan McCafferty for completing the series and my heart.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Jane Fonda and Hannah Montana
Technically, I already posted today but that's alright.
This is something I wanted to mention last week and I've put it off long enough. When I was looking through the stuff in my room, I opened a drawer and among a lot of crap found a purple headband. It's very Jane Fonda-esque and I'm going to call it my "Fondaband". I joined the gym for summer and on Thursday, I threw it on, and I have now come to the conclusion it is magical. I've worn it each time I've been to the gym this past week and I can run for days. It's like stitch and oxygen are six-letter words and I just keep going. I wear it with my dark blue, light blue, gray or white work out shirts. Oh yeah, I rock it with anything. It's going to school with me too. I should probably wash it.
On another note, today I finally got someone to go see the Hannah Montana movie. We got there a little late and my sister had work so when I saw there was no one checking tickets on the inside, you best believe we walked right in. I'm sorry Miss Montana but we were on a time crunch and you should just be happy we spent gas money to come see you in the first place. Not only did we sneak in but I cried too. It was a cute movie - I wish Jackson and Oliver were in it more but her love interest who I decided looks like Ken doll was yummy. As for the 14 new songs, I didn't count that many and if they were there, I only like 2 or 3. DON'T HATE.
Back to school tomorrow :( haha but MEGAN MCCAFFERTY'S NOVEL IS AVAILABLE IN STORES. I wish Barnes and Noble opened at 7 so I could pick it up on the way to school.
This is something I wanted to mention last week and I've put it off long enough. When I was looking through the stuff in my room, I opened a drawer and among a lot of crap found a purple headband. It's very Jane Fonda-esque and I'm going to call it my "Fondaband". I joined the gym for summer and on Thursday, I threw it on, and I have now come to the conclusion it is magical. I've worn it each time I've been to the gym this past week and I can run for days. It's like stitch and oxygen are six-letter words and I just keep going. I wear it with my dark blue, light blue, gray or white work out shirts. Oh yeah, I rock it with anything. It's going to school with me too. I should probably wash it.
On another note, today I finally got someone to go see the Hannah Montana movie. We got there a little late and my sister had work so when I saw there was no one checking tickets on the inside, you best believe we walked right in. I'm sorry Miss Montana but we were on a time crunch and you should just be happy we spent gas money to come see you in the first place. Not only did we sneak in but I cried too. It was a cute movie - I wish Jackson and Oliver were in it more but her love interest who I decided looks like Ken doll was yummy. As for the 14 new songs, I didn't count that many and if they were there, I only like 2 or 3. DON'T HATE.
Back to school tomorrow :( haha but MEGAN MCCAFFERTY'S NOVEL IS AVAILABLE IN STORES. I wish Barnes and Noble opened at 7 so I could pick it up on the way to school.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Insomnia?
It's 1:30 in the a.m and I'm wide awake. I have failed at thinking of a unique twitter name and am now frustrated, and awake, and blogging.
Easter has come and gone - I didn't give up anything for lent so I indulged in everything I normally do - and it was nice to have the family here. I miss them so much when I'm away, it's funny to think how easily annoyed I can get with them. The space has helped me to appreciate them more and being home more. I appreciate it so much I don't want to leave. However, there have been some emotional confrontations with my sister and mother. I got angry with both of them on Friday and Saturday, my mother was crying on and off about it. You know how you can get so mad but then you feel bad for making the other person miserable? I had a lot of that. a LOT. My mom made a comment about how my situation with my dad (our lack of a relationship) is making me a cold person. That hit me deep - I think because it's true. A part of me is becoming apathetic when it comes to him so I say what I feel, don't filter and don't care whose feelings get hurt because what I'm saying is true and I feel (at the time) needs to be said. I want to change this about me because I don't like that. I've been in this weird daze - thinking about who I am and what qualities I want to strengthen, acquire and get rid of. A personal makeover, if you will. But other than Easter chocolate and tears, I want to begin a countdown. The semester is winding down and many, many great things are coming up in the summer months :)
>23 hours - Megan McCafferty's fifth and final novel in her Jessica Darling Series hits stores.
3 days- Interview for an exec. editor position for the Crown
17 days- Interview for the Weekender!
18 days- HOME FOR SUMMER
46 days- 20 years old baby
59 days- No Doubt and effin Paramore!!!
yAY but this has not made me the least bit drowsy.
Easter has come and gone - I didn't give up anything for lent so I indulged in everything I normally do - and it was nice to have the family here. I miss them so much when I'm away, it's funny to think how easily annoyed I can get with them. The space has helped me to appreciate them more and being home more. I appreciate it so much I don't want to leave. However, there have been some emotional confrontations with my sister and mother. I got angry with both of them on Friday and Saturday, my mother was crying on and off about it. You know how you can get so mad but then you feel bad for making the other person miserable? I had a lot of that. a LOT. My mom made a comment about how my situation with my dad (our lack of a relationship) is making me a cold person. That hit me deep - I think because it's true. A part of me is becoming apathetic when it comes to him so I say what I feel, don't filter and don't care whose feelings get hurt because what I'm saying is true and I feel (at the time) needs to be said. I want to change this about me because I don't like that. I've been in this weird daze - thinking about who I am and what qualities I want to strengthen, acquire and get rid of. A personal makeover, if you will. But other than Easter chocolate and tears, I want to begin a countdown. The semester is winding down and many, many great things are coming up in the summer months :)
>23 hours - Megan McCafferty's fifth and final novel in her Jessica Darling Series hits stores.
3 days- Interview for an exec. editor position for the Crown
17 days- Interview for the Weekender!
18 days- HOME FOR SUMMER
46 days- 20 years old baby
59 days- No Doubt and effin Paramore!!!
yAY but this has not made me the least bit drowsy.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
The Reader
I'm going to try and use proper punctuation and grammar from this blog on.
Anyway, since I've been home for Easter break, I kicked my gym routine up a few notches, cut my hair a little shorter, did a little school work and finally got a chance to read one of the many books on my "books to read" list. I know - NERD. Don't hate.
The Reader by Bernhard Schlink was one of the most stimulating novels I've read in a while. A fifteen year old boy fell in love with a thirty year old woman. She was a cougar but that wasn't all - she was a guard for the SS during the Holocaust. She worked at concentration camps like Auschwitz and Cracow, sending women to be suffocated or burned to death. She unexpectedly left town one day, leaving Michael (the boy) hurt and confused. Her past was a mystery to him until he saw her again in a courtroom. The defendants included her and other females and they were being tried for their acts in the camps. Reading about the Holocaust got me thinking. The only material I've read on it were the brief paragraphs in textbooks and the Diary of Anne Frank in the fourth grade. I'm intrigued now to read other survivors accounts of their time in captivity. Night by Elie Wiesel is one that comes to mind. Movies, as well, have been coming out about this. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is one that I want to watch and Schindler's List - I know this is old and I've never seen it. I like books that awaken your mind to something and you take it upon yourself to learn more, read more. But back to The Reader - all of Michael's insights were deep and moving - he questioned the nature of his love and his identity, if who he was and who he'd become had stemmed all from his relationship with this woman. It was interesting to read, to see how the story would end. I started this novel on Thursday and finished it this morning. They just made this a movie so I'm going to rent it. I have high hopes for it since a) Kate Winslet won Best Actress at the Oscar's this year and b) I love Kate Winslet - from Titanic to the Holiday, she's the shit.
Now, I'm going to watch Best Actor, Sean Penn, in this years award-winning movie MILK.
Anyway, since I've been home for Easter break, I kicked my gym routine up a few notches, cut my hair a little shorter, did a little school work and finally got a chance to read one of the many books on my "books to read" list. I know - NERD. Don't hate.
The Reader by Bernhard Schlink was one of the most stimulating novels I've read in a while. A fifteen year old boy fell in love with a thirty year old woman. She was a cougar but that wasn't all - she was a guard for the SS during the Holocaust. She worked at concentration camps like Auschwitz and Cracow, sending women to be suffocated or burned to death. She unexpectedly left town one day, leaving Michael (the boy) hurt and confused. Her past was a mystery to him until he saw her again in a courtroom. The defendants included her and other females and they were being tried for their acts in the camps. Reading about the Holocaust got me thinking. The only material I've read on it were the brief paragraphs in textbooks and the Diary of Anne Frank in the fourth grade. I'm intrigued now to read other survivors accounts of their time in captivity. Night by Elie Wiesel is one that comes to mind. Movies, as well, have been coming out about this. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is one that I want to watch and Schindler's List - I know this is old and I've never seen it. I like books that awaken your mind to something and you take it upon yourself to learn more, read more. But back to The Reader - all of Michael's insights were deep and moving - he questioned the nature of his love and his identity, if who he was and who he'd become had stemmed all from his relationship with this woman. It was interesting to read, to see how the story would end. I started this novel on Thursday and finished it this morning. They just made this a movie so I'm going to rent it. I have high hopes for it since a) Kate Winslet won Best Actress at the Oscar's this year and b) I love Kate Winslet - from Titanic to the Holiday, she's the shit.
Now, I'm going to watch Best Actor, Sean Penn, in this years award-winning movie MILK.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
theres no place like home
good morning blog. i arrive in new jersey yesterday afternoon for my Easter break and so far, so SO good :) i'd also like to give a shot out to my buddy Spring because he finally got the weather right (yes, i made Spring a man because usually you tell a man to do something and they take forever/never to do it)
anyway, yesterday i had deep convos with my mom and sister, ate a delicious burger at Ruby Tuesday's and talked to an old friend and for once, didn't have the urge to kill him. today has started off on the right foot with the sunshine and an interview for the Weekender in two & 1/2 weeks! the Weekender is a features print publication that runs in NEPA. my hopes is to get a fall internship there and if i get it, i know i'll have a ball. not only has my one friend vouched for it, they use impact as a font. c'mon now, how can it be bad?
yesterday i meant to blog because i had sort of an epiphany about men. i decided i'm not going to invest time into sunrise boy and go my own way. if we're friends, we're friends because slowly but surely i'm realizing what i do and do not deserve. paramore has a line in one of their songs, "why do we like to hurt so much?" it's true: WHY? why do i get caught up in a boy who didn't hide that he had feelings for his chipmunk co-worker (sorry the epiphany is about him; not the chick!)? do i deserve to get my texts ignored and then be confused when i'm waved to the next day? do i deserve to feel rejected by someone who i can possibly do better than? no, i don't. i DESERVE someone who will invest the same amount of time i invest into them. i DESERVE someone who will use his hands for texting and waving. i DESERVE a decent guy who is willing to take a chance on me. he's out there somewhere and although i don't need a man to be happy, it would be nice to have someone other than gf's. as for the boy i wish was my bf, yeah well, these things just don't happen overnight!
anyway, yesterday i had deep convos with my mom and sister, ate a delicious burger at Ruby Tuesday's and talked to an old friend and for once, didn't have the urge to kill him. today has started off on the right foot with the sunshine and an interview for the Weekender in two & 1/2 weeks! the Weekender is a features print publication that runs in NEPA. my hopes is to get a fall internship there and if i get it, i know i'll have a ball. not only has my one friend vouched for it, they use impact as a font. c'mon now, how can it be bad?
yesterday i meant to blog because i had sort of an epiphany about men. i decided i'm not going to invest time into sunrise boy and go my own way. if we're friends, we're friends because slowly but surely i'm realizing what i do and do not deserve. paramore has a line in one of their songs, "why do we like to hurt so much?" it's true: WHY? why do i get caught up in a boy who didn't hide that he had feelings for his chipmunk co-worker (sorry the epiphany is about him; not the chick!)? do i deserve to get my texts ignored and then be confused when i'm waved to the next day? do i deserve to feel rejected by someone who i can possibly do better than? no, i don't. i DESERVE someone who will invest the same amount of time i invest into them. i DESERVE someone who will use his hands for texting and waving. i DESERVE a decent guy who is willing to take a chance on me. he's out there somewhere and although i don't need a man to be happy, it would be nice to have someone other than gf's. as for the boy i wish was my bf, yeah well, these things just don't happen overnight!
Monday, April 6, 2009
if you steal my sunshine
dear spring,
hello old friend. i'd like you to come out of hibernation and grace me with your cool breeze and sunshine. help me put away my ugg boots and bring out my flip-flops indefinitely. stop giving in to the rain man and the snow man (yes the SNOW MAN!) because that just makes me unhappy. i'd like to grab one of the many novels i want to read and sit outside, the heat from the sun tinting my unusually pale complexion. it's time for t-shirts not sweatshirts. i just thought i'd let you know since it seems you've forgotten. hope to see you soon :)
sincerely,
stephanie (no middle name) castillo.
hello old friend. i'd like you to come out of hibernation and grace me with your cool breeze and sunshine. help me put away my ugg boots and bring out my flip-flops indefinitely. stop giving in to the rain man and the snow man (yes the SNOW MAN!) because that just makes me unhappy. i'd like to grab one of the many novels i want to read and sit outside, the heat from the sun tinting my unusually pale complexion. it's time for t-shirts not sweatshirts. i just thought i'd let you know since it seems you've forgotten. hope to see you soon :)
sincerely,
stephanie (no middle name) castillo.
Friday, April 3, 2009
the curse of meaning
i was just looking over some of my older posts and i realize i complain a lot, haha. mostly just about not having a boyfriend and being depressed about friends and silly boys. i'm going to try and change that. however, what a friend of mine said the other day might shed some light as to why i'm like that.
i have the curse of meaning. everything i do and every person i get involved with, friendships or relationships, have to be meaningful. it's not a crazy concept because who wants to waste their time on things or people that won't amount to something? that might sound bad but i mean, everyone wants to have a group of friends who bring out the best in them, who tell them when they're being stubborn or petty, who can have a great time doing nothing and everything with you. they also want a boyfriend or girlfriend with those same qualities, someone who makes them love life a little bit more. i have a big heart even though i say i don't have one or that it was lost a long time ago, it's big and beating. the downside: big hearts are for breaking. from today on, i'm going to try and be more upbeat, to not dwell on my singlehood and let go of the things i have no control over. i have a tiny hope for the boy i want to be my bf :) and plans to get a pedicure with my bestest. i'm feeling unusually optimistic today and lets hope it keeps up.
i have the curse of meaning. everything i do and every person i get involved with, friendships or relationships, have to be meaningful. it's not a crazy concept because who wants to waste their time on things or people that won't amount to something? that might sound bad but i mean, everyone wants to have a group of friends who bring out the best in them, who tell them when they're being stubborn or petty, who can have a great time doing nothing and everything with you. they also want a boyfriend or girlfriend with those same qualities, someone who makes them love life a little bit more. i have a big heart even though i say i don't have one or that it was lost a long time ago, it's big and beating. the downside: big hearts are for breaking. from today on, i'm going to try and be more upbeat, to not dwell on my singlehood and let go of the things i have no control over. i have a tiny hope for the boy i want to be my bf :) and plans to get a pedicure with my bestest. i'm feeling unusually optimistic today and lets hope it keeps up.
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