Finale

I've been tempted by tumblr for some time now and I've finally made the switch. To the 3 people who follow me, my depressed/out of control thoughts are now available there. Thanks blogspot, we had a good run <3

Terrible Tuesday

After an incredible weekend with my friend from home and a decent start to my week, today has just been the ultimate low point, work wise and love-life wise. I'm not even sure love-life is the way to put it but here goes:

I hate working for the Red Robin here by school...hate hate HATE from the managers to the people. I've talked about it with my mom and I think I might look for another job. It just ..ugh, I don't know. This weekend better be good, that's all I'm saying.

In terms of my heart, I don't have a suitor but a "romantic friend", which according to texts from last night, that's a classy way to say "friends with benefits," which is fine except do I want that? It's HIS benefit when he decides to actually follow through on plans but he says one thing and then gets so affectionate with me, kissing me and running his hands through my hair. He's such an idiot.. but for the time being, I'm done thinking about it. It is what it is and he said he can't have a girlfriend so regardless of anything, he isn't thinking about that... right now at least.

Then I have an ex-boyfriend who is after me and I just don't have the patience or respect to keep how I really feel to myself. I deserve so much more and I'm sticking to that. God, I'm so tired, I'm not even thinking about what I'm writing. I didn't even do my homework, I WANT TO SLEEP. Now. Bye.

Nail spas

So, on and off since the 8th grade, I've been getting acryllic nails put on. I wear them until I'm either a) tired of paying or b) just tired of them. Still, no matter how many times I repeat that process, I still feel like a prom princess when I get them on. Today, I got my nails done again to treat myself, mostly since I can't paint my nails because of my lame ass job, so now they look pretty. But while I was getting them done, I had a lot of interesting thoughts run through my mind and my hands were too busy so I couldn't tweet about it.

For starters, I've always had trouble relaxing my fingers. They have to get all origami-like to get at my cuticles or whatever they saw away at and I always get yelled at. Then today, while the man was holding my hand, I realized that I was sort of holding his back. My fingers weren't just naturally grazing his because they were in such close proximity but it was more than that. I guess I just don't realize and it freaked me out especially when I grazed his knuckle hair, ack. Then, do you ever notice how they try and get you to get EVERYTHING? "Paint just your nails? Pedicure much better. Get rid of cuticle. Airbrush? Next time I do pink and white for you, look much better. Last longer." THEY'RE VULTURES. Of course, there is how the actual place looks that determines how your nails are going to look. If this place I go to by school wasn't recommended, I'd avoid it. They have a poster of a beach pinned behind the pedicure chairs, there is no room/curtain to get waxed but instead there is a chair right next to the dryers for eyebrows. What if I need a bikini? Do I spread eagle and she stands in front of me to block my cooter? They were playing an 80's mix including Michael Jackson and the song "Mr. Telephone Man" and on the TV was a sort of violin symphony and then Caillou! AND THEY WERE BURNING INCENSE. Is that even legal?

I will say the guy did a good job.. even though he told me short nails look ugly but I think they grew on him because he probably figured every negative word he said was a 50 cent tip reduction. I'm also LOVIN the prices, so much cheaper than the dirty. But anyway, that's all I have to contribute today, hahaha. Enjoy.

Yo Taylor, I'm really happy for u but...

I'm exhausted. Between Sunday and today, I feel like so much has gone on, nothing necessarily epic, but none the less have kept me busy. For example, Sunday I served cheeseburgers and milkshakes until around 9 and I came home just in time for the VMA's. Janet Jackson KILLED IT in the Michael Jackson video. While I watched the awards, I was editing my sister's paper for school and tweeting as much as humanly possible about the show highlights: Kanye being an asshole, Lady Gaga being a boss, Adam Brody looking so delicious, the "New Moon" trailer and Beyonce so graciously correcting Kanye's tool mistake. Despite technical difficulties and loser stars trying to steal the spotlight, cough Kanye and Lil' Mama, it was the best VMA broadcast in a long, long time. Of course, by OD'ing on the tweets, I left a lot of work for myself and didn't actually get to bed until 5:30. At one point in time I questioned whether I should even attempt sleep. Sleep eventually came for a total of 3 hours and then I was off to edit my article with my internship supervisor. This week I received an "I'm very impressed at how you were able to cover the festival but still include its history." BAM! I can't even describe the feeling I get when he says things like to me. I just feel like I've come so far with my writing and that I went from knowing nothing to being able to impress an editor of a professional publication. Ah, does wonders for my ego.

Then, of course, I had some campus newspaper business to take care of. I'm in position to judge and by no means am suggesting that I am ready to run this paper by myself but I'm skeptical of this upcoming semester. Our assistant editor-in-chief, our editor-in-chief left us for London, is questionable. He's scatter-brained and doesn't focus on everything he should. Today, I went to glance over some of our pages and two articles were a mess. One of their leads was in shambles and the other had incorrect information. He's really in to centering the titles but it looks funny especially when he's letting the titles be 3 words so the title is SUPER BIG. One of the advisors came in today to look over our work because we're under a little heat from the previous week and as he left, he gave me a sly smile because I'm sure he was thinking the same things I was. Ugh.. this semester is going to be SO...what is the word? Entertaining? Stressful? Mind-boggling? Insert any adjective along those lines here.

The last thing I'm going to write in this is TRUE BLOOD: season finale was the worst I've seen in terms of cliffhangers and there was not enough Eric in it for my viewing pleasure. Further discussions to be had at a later date. I need to grub and get to class, womp.

Just for now

I'm starting to think the more I anticipate something, the more letdown I am. Tonight, a Friday night at that, one I should be knocking back cheap beer and laughs with good people, I'm in my room. In the dark. In a gray cami & basketball shorts with what's left of my chinese-for-one takeout on my desk. Yesterday, if you asked me what I planned to do, I would have said I'd be with someone in his apartment, someone I've been trying to figure out, pretending to watch a movie with a possible invitation to sleepover. But, of course, that didn't happen. Here's a brief synopsis: last night I went for a walk with a young man whose relationship to me is questionable. When he invited me to go for the walk, I blushed. I can't remember the last time the blood rushed to my face so quickly, other than almost collapsing on the treadmill. After 3 minutes. Anyway, he invited me over and tonight after worked I was seeing what the deal was. He was "busy" and wouldn't "be too long" so if I wanted to "hang out later." It's midnight and he has practice in the morning. Every minute that goes by makes the idea of seeing each other less and less likely. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. I shouldn't be sitting here, listening to Broken by Lifehouse. I'm 20 years old. I'll admit, for my age, I had an unhealthy fascination with dating sites and thinking love was just a click away. If not for nothing, I deserve something consistent. I deserve someone who makes plans and keeps them because now, I've wasted a night and I'm miserable. And I shaved my legs for nothing.

Happy days

The kind of day I had today complete negates my last two entries when it came to doubting my talent and life choices. I want to get this in before I surrender myself to rhetoric theory and other short stories.

SO. It begins with me getting up at an awful hour, 8 in the morning, after a night of no sleep. I just kept waiting and waiting for me to pass out and I feel like I never did. Of course, it didn't help someone unexpected decided to message me and play with my emotions some more but that's for another entry. Despite no sleep, I was pretty upbeat. I did some of my school newspaper duties then headed over to the Weekender to go over my article with the Editor. And I quote, "This was excellent for your first article." On the outside, I gave a no-teeth-smile and was sweating profusely because apparently when I move an inch, I get exhausted. On the inside, I was all like this: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#$%#$^&^&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#!@TGFHSZDT - you get the point. He marked up the paper but minor AP styleguide errors and again, I quote "So this looks like a lot but it really isn't" and when I was leaving, "Thanks Stephanie, Great job on the story." So, again, on the inside: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I was so relieved because now I KNOW I can hack it and the best part is IT'S GOING TO BE PUBLISHED and available on their web site. AMAZEBALLS. I can't wait to see it. After my delightful meeting, I headed back to campus to finish up our first issue of The Crown. I'm excited for our "Twitter bug".. it's like Conan's Twitter Tracker. Just a little something for students to read and laugh about. I'm sure I'll change the set up as the semester progresses but I made the newspaper a twitter and I'm going to have too much fun with it. With it being such a popular social network, I think it'll be a great way to get students involved or at least take a glance at it to see what's going on. I'm thinking a facebook is next? Who knows but we'll see! Oh and I had to drop off an application for this career day I'm trying to be a part of and they wanted to know my GPA. I looked it up and I have a 3.5.. chicka chicka yeeeaaaah. After a busy morning, I was pooped and took nap only to awake an e-mail from the assistant editor at the weekender telling me I did a "great job" with the concert listings. The concert listings that took me forEVER and which I though I screwed up royally but I guess not. Filled with elation, I went to class, which was a monotone nightmare , but made it through because of my blissful nap and also the Dr. Pepper I got on our 5 minute break. To top it off, I ran into some people that lifted my spirits and melted my heart so all in all, today was bomb.

This post has a lot of exclamation points and extended letters hahaha. It's out of my system, promise.

???

It's midnight and while I should be in bed, I'm here battling with my thoughts. I can't decide what I want to blog about! >:o I was going to mention how someone's mood can be easily influenced by the weather, a song, a young boy, a friend.. (etc). Then I wanted to write about how poor I am and how much I wish that I had stacks of cash to spend mindlessly on insignificant things like $150 dollar rings and new cars. But now.. now, I'm sort of obsessing over the idea of college. I can thank Facebook for that. Since it's September, a lot of kids are returning to high school and those that have just graduated this past summer are starting their first semester as a freshman. I've looked through a few albums of some people I know and just think how my freshman year was the EXACT opposite. I was outgoing, yes, but I didn't immediately submerge myself in the college life, i.e, parties. I NEVER went out and actually just had one really good friend who I spent a majority of my year with. I don't even talk to that girl anymore. The point is.. I'm looking, or stalking however you want to put it, at these pictures and I feel like their college experience is already exceeding mine. I'm in my third year; they're in their third week. What I'm trying to say is maybe I'm not getting all I can out of MY OWN college experience. Maybe King's wasn't the right place for me.. or maybe it was. All of it falls back on me.. my choices. I chose to come here. I chose to stay in my dorm room freshman year. But does the social aspect really make or break your experience? Maybe I'm flourishing academically. Maybe if I went somewhere else, I wouldn't have gotten involved with their newspaper. Today I'm assistant editor-in-chief and a large part is because one of my best friends Sara. I would have never met her and that would have been a shame. The people I've met and learning what I want to do with my life has proven to be my most valuable experiences. Will I be able to say college was the best time of my life when I graduate? Ugh, my head starts to hurt thinking about things like this. High school and college are trying times for me.. learning about myself, who I want to be, where I want to end up, making and breaking friendships (not relationships because i repel charming, committing young men).. and although this blog is seemingly negative, I think that maybe the best, for me, is yet to come.

Beautiful Sundays

My iPod shuffle is being very good to me this afternoon: The Hush Sound, Imogen Heap, Iron & Wine, John Mayer..(etc). Some of these songs I actually forgot how much I enjoyed them. I'm sitting on my bed with the window cracked open and it's beautiful out. I wish it could be like this all year, like this pre-fall weather that includes cool afternoons and enough warmth to go without long-sleeves or jackets. If there is a place in the world like that, please tell me because I want to make plans to live there now.

Not really much to update.. my roommates have all left me for Labor Day weekend and campus is so empty. I'm actually going to leave my apartment today to help a friend find things to decorate his room. Tonight, I'm going to submit my Weekender article and I'm really nervous about it. It's my first one and I hope that when I meet with my editor, he doesn't have much he wants to correct and actually likes it. I can write an article, I know I can. I wouldn't be assistant editor in chief of the school paper for nothing but the question is can I write well? Can I hack it for a real, legitimate publication? I guess on Tuesday we'll find out. Then again, if I was incapable, would I have even been offered this internship? Oh Steph, shut up. I'm just happy to finally be focused on things that matter for a change, instead of a dumb boy. Well actually..there is a dumb boy but I'm not worried about it.

Troubled thoughts

I can't believe tomorrow is Friday. Correction: I can't believe tomorrow is Friday and the first week of classes has come and gone. With my Crown and Weekender story due, with a lot of reading that has to get done.. the calmness I experienced this week is definitely not going to last. But, it isn't that that's troubling me.

A while back I blogged about a friend of mine, or former friend, who literally just woke up one day and decided to disassociate herself with me. I did confront her a few times, she made pitiful attempts at trying to meet up, until finally she blocked me on aim and facebook. Immature, yes. Understandable, no. So tonight, my closest friend who was also friends with her, and might I add also burned, is in her apartment and without her personal invitation, this former friends winds up there. Now, I assume anyway, they're all drinking because tonight it's the former friends birthday. Is it wrong for me to be upset about this? I'm not upset with my closest friend but more so at the fact at how it was only me that was completely shut out. Lately, I've been really wondering if I should ask her what it is that I did, that after everything we'd been through together, she could just act that way? I don't in any way want to reconcile the friendship because now I see the kind of person she really is but I feel like I can stop being so bitter if I have this closure. What really gets me is that this former friend is also hanging out with a girl she swore off with a couple semesters ago. This girl who wrote an e-mail saying how much she wished bad upon my former friend and that she couldn't wait for my former friend to get her karma. I just don't understand and it's making me feel really crappy. I know I'm not a perfect person, but I'm also not a bad one. What could I have possibly done that it doesn't merit an explanation? Ugh.

I wanna do bad things with you

The first half of today was very productive. I woke up early, walked down into the square to meet for a staff meeting at the Weekender. From there, I went to my three classes and then right after, an orientation meeting for fall interns. Shortly after, I went over to the campus center and met in the Crown office (the school newspaper) to plan this week and the following week's issue. I'm not even sure some planning got done but we kicked around some ideas so I suppose it was productive?

As for the second half of my day, when I was not consuming anything within a 10 mile radius of me, I layed on my bed watching episodes of True Blood. I won't lie, for a brief moment I was concerned about bed sores. Sitting and watching hours of episodes about blood-crying and insanely good looking dead, delicious men does something to a girl. To me, it made me think of my vampire alter ego. Her name is Ivona and Ivona has long, dark, rich black hair. It's going to have the kind of curls you'd see in a black and white film starring Marlon Brando. My hair will always, ALWAYS have a shiny finish and my physical figure will resemble Megan Fox but not her hands. Her thumbs look like baby toes. I'd always be in stilettos aaaand that's as far as I got. Naturally, I would be Zac Efron's maker and he and I would live blissfully in eternal damnation. Hahahaha.

Anyway, blogging was a way to keep me from simply clicking Episode 10. I need to save something for me to do tomorrow since I have no classes. Hmm.. sleep now.