the curse of meaning

i was just looking over some of my older posts and i realize i complain a lot, haha. mostly just about not having a boyfriend and being depressed about friends and silly boys. i'm going to try and change that. however, what a friend of mine said the other day might shed some light as to why i'm like that.

i have the curse of meaning. everything i do and every person i get involved with, friendships or relationships, have to be meaningful. it's not a crazy concept because who wants to waste their time on things or people that won't amount to something? that might sound bad but i mean, everyone wants to have a group of friends who bring out the best in them, who tell them when they're being stubborn or petty, who can have a great time doing nothing and everything with you. they also want a boyfriend or girlfriend with those same qualities, someone who makes them love life a little bit more. i have a big heart even though i say i don't have one or that it was lost a long time ago, it's big and beating. the downside: big hearts are for breaking. from today on, i'm going to try and be more upbeat, to not dwell on my singlehood and let go of the things i have no control over. i have a tiny hope for the boy i want to be my bf :) and plans to get a pedicure with my bestest. i'm feeling unusually optimistic today and lets hope it keeps up.