I may be weak but I'm never defeated

Kate Voegele <3

This weekend has been a doozy on my emotions. Thursday & Friday seemed promising, as I went to go see No Doubt & Paramore at the Susquehanna Bank Center and then Friday went to Abyss. However, when Saturday came, not only was I hungover, but unavoidably hours away from my dad's wedding. I chose to skip the ceremony and only attend the reception - something for him, something for me. I put on a dress, did my make up and showed up with my friend in time to greet and make small talk with family I haven't seen in years. I said hello to my dad and sat at my table, immediately inquiring if there was an open bar. I got served until my father made a point to ban ONLY ME from getting any alcohol, so then my friend did the dirty work and supplied us. Here is a brief shout out to those who put their time and effort into making Yuengling a possible beverage choice for Americans. It is by far the tastiest beer I've had to date (keeping in mind I haven't gotten around to a majority of them). I'll just say the taste made it easy to get through a few bottles, almost too easy especially since I was driving home. I will admit that as I sat at the table, I turned my back to the celebratory dances and photo ops and ran my mouth to those sitting around me. Mind you, it was my sister and her friends so it wasn't a problem. The problem came when my father, after my departure of course, told my sister he thought I was rude and if I was going to behave the way I did, I should have never came. WELL if I was "so rude", why didn't you ask me to leave? And we didn't exhange enough words for me to even be a hint of rude so where he is getting that from, I'm not sure. What hurt me the most is tonight when I came home from dinner, talking about it to my sister (who is in the bridal party) and she decides to say I made her uncomfortable. I made HER uncomfortable: my sister, who was not only in the bridal party but also had her 2 friends in attendance who were also spending the night at my father's house, and getting friendly with my dad's step-sons and their friends. Things got loud and I came to my room only for me to cry and push away my dinner. My oldest sister came to talk to me, left, and when she got to the kitchen, her and my younger sister had it out. She defended me but it made me upset because this woman who destroyed my parents, their relationship, has also destroyed the relationship with my sisters. Amanda is young but that excuse can only be valid for so long. While I could have kept more of my personal thoughts to myself, it was what kept me together. If I couldn't be sarcastic, then I would be a train wreck. It was bad enough when I saw my relatives from Florida I wanted to bawl but I kept it together. I have the Yuengling and best friend to thank for that.

I want all of this to be over. I'm tired of my dad acting like a teenager, never sticking up for me and making excuses for his wife. After an incident at his house a few weeks ago, an incident I never received an apology far, I am painfully reminded of the woman she really is and how she will never, EVER compare to my mother and the fact my father remarried to HER is a tragedy. I've cried so much and just when I think I can't anymore, a wave of fresh tears fall down my face. It's official: every relationship I've had with a male in my life has failed and left me broken and bruised. I need to find someone who can pick me up and remind me that there are men worth loving, believing. Where are you, fictitious dream boy?