song of the week: bruises by chairlift. IN LOVE <3
that's about the only love in my life. this weekend, i got a little kissy with a boy i work with. the best way to describe how it happened is it's like having a plate of cookies set down in front of you. cookies are a lot of calories and not good for you but you stuff your face anyway. boy from work was the cookie. i have different feelings for him now and i wish i could quit my job, haha. i don't even want to think about it, UGH! and then there is the boy who i wish was my bf - i have yet to grow a pair and ask him to hang out. THEN there's the sunrise boy from a couple weekends ago that i might have, despite myself, developed a tiny tiny crush on him. i'm finding myself wanting to put myself in his path just so we can cross them, not necessarily exchanging words. it's unrequited love - it's ALWAYS unrequited. lucky for me i have two major papers due and i have yet to read any of the text. i'll have something to keep me occupied. i'm so boy crazy and i need to pump the brakes. there's other things to worry about - i'll let you know when i figure out what those things are.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
do i dazzle you?
i obsess on twilight so hard it's absurd. i believe you'd call me a "twihard". on friday night, after a friend's surprise party, i put in a movie to help me fall asleep. i chose penelope, one of my favorites, and there is a sneak peek for twilight on the disc. when i saw it, i had this insane urge to watch the movie so i made a plan to rent it the next night. wal-mart has those $1 rental machines and so after work, i made my way over. i must have messed with the machine for 10 minutes before i realized that the reason why twilight wasn't coming up was because someone already rented it. this means if i wanted to watch it, i'd have to buy it. i did and it was the worst 18 dollars i've ever spent.
no matter how much i try, or how much i want to, i will never like the movie twilight and you will never see it in any "favorite movies" category of mine. the director made so many awful decisions on what to carry over from the book and what not to. my favorite scenes in the book, scenes that i think are pivotal, were no where to be seen. for example, in chapter 8, the scene where bella is almost assaulted and edward speeds in on his silver volvo chariot to save her, bella and edward go for dinner and there entire relationship changes. he lets down his wall and they get past all their evasions. he asks her, "do i dazzle you?" and she says "frequently." IT'S PERFECT and no where to be found in the movie. actually, the entire dinner scene in the movie is lame, the whole "sex, money, cat" bit. in another section of the book, chapter 13, bella and edward spend the day together in a very floral and sunny meadow. here, edward confesses EVERYTHING: why he seemed repulsed by her in bio, how he feels about her and why he finds it so hard to be close to her. the chemistry the reader can feel from the words in the text doesn't exist anywhere in the movie. it was their first date, the first realization they couldn't be without one another. also, the whole ballet studio scene, bella gets her shit rocked. in the movie, she comes out with a broken leg. in that same scene, james tells her about alice and where she comes from. it sets up the second book and the director left it out. so many things are out of order, too, and it's just a mess.
aside from the bad choice of text adaptations, the acting is awful too. mainly just kristen stewart. i don't even going to tell you what i think about her but she needs to find another job. she ruined bella and doesn't do justice to the character in the book. rob pattinson is sexy and i need to have extra panties when watching him but his kissing scenes are too much. edward eventually gets over how he wants to drink bella's blood and he deals. the romantic scenes in the book kick the movie ones ass, hands down. OVERALL, THE MOVIE IS TERRIBLE. i'm annoyed with who they cast as rosalie too bc she's supposed to be this immortal blonde super model and nikki reed (the woman who plays her) has a big ass and her roots are showing. ugh, just thinking about it makes me irate lol. the soundtrack is bangin though, so pick that up. i will reluctantly go see new moon and with the new director, i'm allowing myself a tiny hope it will be no.1 at the box office material.
as for the book, i still love it and i'll be reading that until the binding breaks and the pages wear so thin, they tear.
no matter how much i try, or how much i want to, i will never like the movie twilight and you will never see it in any "favorite movies" category of mine. the director made so many awful decisions on what to carry over from the book and what not to. my favorite scenes in the book, scenes that i think are pivotal, were no where to be seen. for example, in chapter 8, the scene where bella is almost assaulted and edward speeds in on his silver volvo chariot to save her, bella and edward go for dinner and there entire relationship changes. he lets down his wall and they get past all their evasions. he asks her, "do i dazzle you?" and she says "frequently." IT'S PERFECT and no where to be found in the movie. actually, the entire dinner scene in the movie is lame, the whole "sex, money, cat" bit. in another section of the book, chapter 13, bella and edward spend the day together in a very floral and sunny meadow. here, edward confesses EVERYTHING: why he seemed repulsed by her in bio, how he feels about her and why he finds it so hard to be close to her. the chemistry the reader can feel from the words in the text doesn't exist anywhere in the movie. it was their first date, the first realization they couldn't be without one another. also, the whole ballet studio scene, bella gets her shit rocked. in the movie, she comes out with a broken leg. in that same scene, james tells her about alice and where she comes from. it sets up the second book and the director left it out. so many things are out of order, too, and it's just a mess.
aside from the bad choice of text adaptations, the acting is awful too. mainly just kristen stewart. i don't even going to tell you what i think about her but she needs to find another job. she ruined bella and doesn't do justice to the character in the book. rob pattinson is sexy and i need to have extra panties when watching him but his kissing scenes are too much. edward eventually gets over how he wants to drink bella's blood and he deals. the romantic scenes in the book kick the movie ones ass, hands down. OVERALL, THE MOVIE IS TERRIBLE. i'm annoyed with who they cast as rosalie too bc she's supposed to be this immortal blonde super model and nikki reed (the woman who plays her) has a big ass and her roots are showing. ugh, just thinking about it makes me irate lol. the soundtrack is bangin though, so pick that up. i will reluctantly go see new moon and with the new director, i'm allowing myself a tiny hope it will be no.1 at the box office material.
as for the book, i still love it and i'll be reading that until the binding breaks and the pages wear so thin, they tear.
Friday, March 27, 2009
you get a humpback whale!
if you caught my dane cook reference in the title, you already know what this entry is about. it's about oprah, the WHOA-man of daytime talk shows (although Ellen could give her a run for her money; the View bitches are too catty). woman from 18-65 tune in everyday at 4 p.m to watch her show on topics ranging from polygamists, children that act like animals and dr. oz's answers to every problem we could possibly have. my opinion of oprah was lessened around the time a million little pieces was causing a million little uproars. but today in class, my teacher quoted oprah and it's been on my mind.
apparently during one of her shows, i'm not sure what day it was, but oprah said "people have evolved outside of the institution of marriage." my teacher was particurlarly mad because shes been married since forever and said she didn't agree. I HOWEVER, a true cynic when it comes to love and marriage, agree. i remember having a conversation not too long ago with my friend sara (who is philly-bound and our conversations are on pause) about the 20's-40's and the things people valued then. marriage was one of them. you didn't date, you married the first boy who wanted to marry you. didn't like each other? tough shit. you didn't get divorced. the wonderful thing was these two people stayed together, got to know each other and learned to love one another or at least live in a harmonious environment. things like decency and respect still existed. marriage is not the institution it used to be. hollywood has shamed the idea of holy matrimony and two people falling in love and staying together. fidelity is only an 8 letter word and the divorce rate climbs higher every year. i personally have seen too many happily ever afters turn into happily ever nots. so, yes, people have evolved. they make marriage what they want it to be - a 6-month or 2 year relationship that ends with "irreconcilable differences"; the difference being you want me to be your wife/husband and i just want to fool around with every man/woman within a 10-inch radius of me. i plan on eventually becoming this hot-shot newspaper or magazine editor/writer with a shaggy-haired, money making boyfriend (he'll play the guitar too) whom i will cohabitate with but will not put my relationship at risk just so i can say "He went to Jared!" and pick out floral center pieces and laced napkins. if love is real, then no piece of paper can make it any more or less real. the more that i lose faith in the world and humanity, the more that i'm confident that two people can not get married, stay together and love each other indefinitely. too many variations of this have devleoped so kudos, oprah.
everyone says i'll be the first one down the aisle and they'll remind me of this when they're in the church, watching me ball my eyes out and somehow choking out my vows. hold on to that you little dreamers because the only way i'll be at a wedding will be if the reception afterwards is offering an open bar. and the grooms men are rob pattinson look-a-likes.
have a great weekend =)
apparently during one of her shows, i'm not sure what day it was, but oprah said "people have evolved outside of the institution of marriage." my teacher was particurlarly mad because shes been married since forever and said she didn't agree. I HOWEVER, a true cynic when it comes to love and marriage, agree. i remember having a conversation not too long ago with my friend sara (who is philly-bound and our conversations are on pause) about the 20's-40's and the things people valued then. marriage was one of them. you didn't date, you married the first boy who wanted to marry you. didn't like each other? tough shit. you didn't get divorced. the wonderful thing was these two people stayed together, got to know each other and learned to love one another or at least live in a harmonious environment. things like decency and respect still existed. marriage is not the institution it used to be. hollywood has shamed the idea of holy matrimony and two people falling in love and staying together. fidelity is only an 8 letter word and the divorce rate climbs higher every year. i personally have seen too many happily ever afters turn into happily ever nots. so, yes, people have evolved. they make marriage what they want it to be - a 6-month or 2 year relationship that ends with "irreconcilable differences"; the difference being you want me to be your wife/husband and i just want to fool around with every man/woman within a 10-inch radius of me. i plan on eventually becoming this hot-shot newspaper or magazine editor/writer with a shaggy-haired, money making boyfriend (he'll play the guitar too) whom i will cohabitate with but will not put my relationship at risk just so i can say "He went to Jared!" and pick out floral center pieces and laced napkins. if love is real, then no piece of paper can make it any more or less real. the more that i lose faith in the world and humanity, the more that i'm confident that two people can not get married, stay together and love each other indefinitely. too many variations of this have devleoped so kudos, oprah.
everyone says i'll be the first one down the aisle and they'll remind me of this when they're in the church, watching me ball my eyes out and somehow choking out my vows. hold on to that you little dreamers because the only way i'll be at a wedding will be if the reception afterwards is offering an open bar. and the grooms men are rob pattinson look-a-likes.
have a great weekend =)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
t.g.i.f (well in two hours)
i need the weekend. even though i'll be spending a large part of it frustrated and pissed off but mildly entertained at red robin, i just want to lay around and do nothing. summer needs to be now because this school bit is getting old.
today was a better day as far as bad hair/life days. actually, after i blogged yesterday afternoon my day got increasingly better. it's amazing how a good conversation and a flirtatious encounter can boost your spirits. the flirtatious encounter was with the boy who i want to be my boyfriend, well one of them. there are a couple now but he was the original. the only problem is i can't tell if what he says to me is just playful banter or actually means something. i've talked to my guy and girl friends about this and their general decision is to ask him to hang out (i havent officially done that) and see what happens. now all i need to do is grow a pair of balls and ask him. i shouldn't be nervous because for anyone who knows me, i can be very bold. it's just with this boy, he is adorable and ALL the girls know it. especially the really skinny brunette ones. it's safe to say i'm smitten and i need to test this out. soon.
today was a better day as far as bad hair/life days. actually, after i blogged yesterday afternoon my day got increasingly better. it's amazing how a good conversation and a flirtatious encounter can boost your spirits. the flirtatious encounter was with the boy who i want to be my boyfriend, well one of them. there are a couple now but he was the original. the only problem is i can't tell if what he says to me is just playful banter or actually means something. i've talked to my guy and girl friends about this and their general decision is to ask him to hang out (i havent officially done that) and see what happens. now all i need to do is grow a pair of balls and ask him. i shouldn't be nervous because for anyone who knows me, i can be very bold. it's just with this boy, he is adorable and ALL the girls know it. especially the really skinny brunette ones. it's safe to say i'm smitten and i need to test this out. soon.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
bad hair/life day
somehow anytime my hair doesn't fall the way i want, i tend to have a bad day. today is NO different.
i went to bed in a bad mood because i've been having problems with a friend lately. nothing happened but said friend has not felt like speaking to me much, even after i expressed how i felt to her. i happened to be in the same room as her yesterday and there was no hello, no i'm sorry.. nothing. i've spent a lot of my time being upset about it, getting homesick for my friends back home and now, i have made the transition from upset to pissed off beyond belief. a lunch conversation was supposed to take place today but said friend apparently didn't have anything to say. it must be nice to be able to act like an asshole for weeks and feel like you're a saint. this has been real eye opening for me when it comes to how i treat people. im the type of person, that if you need ANYTHING, you can count on me to drive you somewhere or be there for you in anyway. on numerours occassions for said friend i have sacrificed my afternoons to take her to the hospital, called off work to drive her to new jersey and stopped drinking because she got emotional or physical with people she doesn't like. ALL of that and not talking to me for weeks is supposed to just make sense? i am now promising to treat the people in my life with the same courtesy they treat me. i am not going to go out of my way to be a good friend if i don't get shit in return. i have better things to waste my time, and frankly, better people too.
woo, ok. that was a little bit of a vent. easter break can't come soon enough.
i went to bed in a bad mood because i've been having problems with a friend lately. nothing happened but said friend has not felt like speaking to me much, even after i expressed how i felt to her. i happened to be in the same room as her yesterday and there was no hello, no i'm sorry.. nothing. i've spent a lot of my time being upset about it, getting homesick for my friends back home and now, i have made the transition from upset to pissed off beyond belief. a lunch conversation was supposed to take place today but said friend apparently didn't have anything to say. it must be nice to be able to act like an asshole for weeks and feel like you're a saint. this has been real eye opening for me when it comes to how i treat people. im the type of person, that if you need ANYTHING, you can count on me to drive you somewhere or be there for you in anyway. on numerours occassions for said friend i have sacrificed my afternoons to take her to the hospital, called off work to drive her to new jersey and stopped drinking because she got emotional or physical with people she doesn't like. ALL of that and not talking to me for weeks is supposed to just make sense? i am now promising to treat the people in my life with the same courtesy they treat me. i am not going to go out of my way to be a good friend if i don't get shit in return. i have better things to waste my time, and frankly, better people too.
woo, ok. that was a little bit of a vent. easter break can't come soon enough.
Monday, March 23, 2009
this is going to be a long one
i've been looking forward to writing this blog all day and now that i finally have the time to write, i can't think of how i want to organize all i want to say. this has been a very stimulating monday, in the sense that classroom conversations, online blogs, cosmo articles and talks with friends have put my mind on relationship overload (and all before lunch.)
during my graphics class, i checked to see if Joe Hottie updated his blog. when i saw that he didn't, i decided to read older posts and it encouraged me to "kiss and tell", in a tasteful manner of course. my saturday night was all over the place. i worked all day and then ended up at wilkes for this dance they were having, only to walk in to find almost no one in attendance and i felt out of place. i didn't dance much and the reason i went (a boy of course) left, so i sat there only to witness an epic smackdown that had me and my friends sprinting back to campus. my two friends and i ended up in alumni, one of the apartment buildings on campus, and hung out with my one friend's guy friends. needless to say, one of the guys caught my eye and i didn't end up leaving until the sun was up. it was an innocent encounter so don't let your imaginations run too wild but it left me confused, but mainly myself. i want a relationship but how can i get to that point if i'm spending my saturday nights the way i am? we exchanged numbers and my friend said all that did was create expectations, which is true. 13% of guys call back after a first "date" and i have yet to encounter any of the boys that make up that percentile. i guess i'll see if i hear from him this weekend but i won't hold my breath.
my 12 o' clock class went on an awful tangent today. the special olympics wants to stop using the word retard, aka the "r" word, and one of the students was irate over it. this led to the american people using retard, idiot and even fat out of context. one girl said "what if someone called you fat? i wouldn't want someone to call me fat because it has negative connotations. that to me says i'm ugly and undesired. it has negative cultural connotations." that stuck with me not only because it didn't really go with what was being said but because she's right. if you're fat, it's so much more than a number on a scale. the boys i have gotten mixed up with this semester have been dead-end deals. im led under the false pretense they're "into me" only to face them sober and with a sudden change of heart. WHY do guys go right for the skinny blonde instead of the curvy brunette? why am i not worth taking a chance on, worth getting to know because my jean size is double-digits? it's a never ending frustration.
anway, from there i read the rest of my cosmo magazine and found some articles targeting single women. these articles are all about what to do if you want to attract a boyfriend but the more i try, the more i put myself out there, the more i am disappointed. at lunch, i was telling my one friend about my weekend and my thoughts on it. he told me that im not going to find a guy who wants to be in a relationship because we're still in college. i didn't take offense to this because it's true. a lot of guys just want a good time but a part of, a very very small part of me, believes not everyguy is avoiding commitment. when i got to my room, another good friend of mine and i were talking about relationships and that late-night void single girls feel after a good or bad night out with girlfriends. she said to me "being sad from single life is like a dormant disease." that is an excellent way to put it because no matter how much single women, or i in this instance, try to focus on everything else in my life, i can't help but wish that i had someone special in my life. i feel as if all my dead-end hook ups are auditions and i'm not getting any callbacks. how much longer until i get completely discouraged and give up altogether?
i've found that all my love life mishaps are only helping me to shape what characteristics i want in my next boyfriend (assuming he ever crawls out from under the rock he is hiding under). i'm at a place where i'm ready for something steady and this weekend was unlike any of my other late night romps, but i'm not entirely convinced anything will come of it. Joe Hottie keeps writing about how sexy it is for a girl to hit on him first, to be bold and make her intentions clear. i can be VERY bold but i haven't had any of the guys react the way Joe has talked about. im thinking of the cultural connotations and i don't want anyone to acknowledge my relationship status outloud. single can easily be translated into unworthy because at the end of the day, who really wants to be alone? im not in a relationship because i don't want to be but because no boy seems to want me...at least not past a night of casual drinking and kissing.
i'm exhausted from trying to figure this all out. despite all my failed "auditions", i am still patiently (at times) waiting for someone to take a chance on me and have it develop into hopefully my next relationship.
during my graphics class, i checked to see if Joe Hottie updated his blog. when i saw that he didn't, i decided to read older posts and it encouraged me to "kiss and tell", in a tasteful manner of course. my saturday night was all over the place. i worked all day and then ended up at wilkes for this dance they were having, only to walk in to find almost no one in attendance and i felt out of place. i didn't dance much and the reason i went (a boy of course) left, so i sat there only to witness an epic smackdown that had me and my friends sprinting back to campus. my two friends and i ended up in alumni, one of the apartment buildings on campus, and hung out with my one friend's guy friends. needless to say, one of the guys caught my eye and i didn't end up leaving until the sun was up. it was an innocent encounter so don't let your imaginations run too wild but it left me confused, but mainly myself. i want a relationship but how can i get to that point if i'm spending my saturday nights the way i am? we exchanged numbers and my friend said all that did was create expectations, which is true. 13% of guys call back after a first "date" and i have yet to encounter any of the boys that make up that percentile. i guess i'll see if i hear from him this weekend but i won't hold my breath.
my 12 o' clock class went on an awful tangent today. the special olympics wants to stop using the word retard, aka the "r" word, and one of the students was irate over it. this led to the american people using retard, idiot and even fat out of context. one girl said "what if someone called you fat? i wouldn't want someone to call me fat because it has negative connotations. that to me says i'm ugly and undesired. it has negative cultural connotations." that stuck with me not only because it didn't really go with what was being said but because she's right. if you're fat, it's so much more than a number on a scale. the boys i have gotten mixed up with this semester have been dead-end deals. im led under the false pretense they're "into me" only to face them sober and with a sudden change of heart. WHY do guys go right for the skinny blonde instead of the curvy brunette? why am i not worth taking a chance on, worth getting to know because my jean size is double-digits? it's a never ending frustration.
anway, from there i read the rest of my cosmo magazine and found some articles targeting single women. these articles are all about what to do if you want to attract a boyfriend but the more i try, the more i put myself out there, the more i am disappointed. at lunch, i was telling my one friend about my weekend and my thoughts on it. he told me that im not going to find a guy who wants to be in a relationship because we're still in college. i didn't take offense to this because it's true. a lot of guys just want a good time but a part of, a very very small part of me, believes not everyguy is avoiding commitment. when i got to my room, another good friend of mine and i were talking about relationships and that late-night void single girls feel after a good or bad night out with girlfriends. she said to me "being sad from single life is like a dormant disease." that is an excellent way to put it because no matter how much single women, or i in this instance, try to focus on everything else in my life, i can't help but wish that i had someone special in my life. i feel as if all my dead-end hook ups are auditions and i'm not getting any callbacks. how much longer until i get completely discouraged and give up altogether?
i've found that all my love life mishaps are only helping me to shape what characteristics i want in my next boyfriend (assuming he ever crawls out from under the rock he is hiding under). i'm at a place where i'm ready for something steady and this weekend was unlike any of my other late night romps, but i'm not entirely convinced anything will come of it. Joe Hottie keeps writing about how sexy it is for a girl to hit on him first, to be bold and make her intentions clear. i can be VERY bold but i haven't had any of the guys react the way Joe has talked about. im thinking of the cultural connotations and i don't want anyone to acknowledge my relationship status outloud. single can easily be translated into unworthy because at the end of the day, who really wants to be alone? im not in a relationship because i don't want to be but because no boy seems to want me...at least not past a night of casual drinking and kissing.
i'm exhausted from trying to figure this all out. despite all my failed "auditions", i am still patiently (at times) waiting for someone to take a chance on me and have it develop into hopefully my next relationship.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
bring on the beautiful weather
i'm so ready :]
i don't have anything to say except the term "spring cleaning" maybe be applicable to some people in my life.
i don't have anything to say except the term "spring cleaning" maybe be applicable to some people in my life.
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