1 down

The fall semester officially began for me today at 12 in the afternoon. After that, I had two more classes and then I called it a day. I started my day off with a meeting at the Weekender, the entertainment publication I'm doing my internship at, and I'm very intimidated. He assigned me a story for next week and it's nothing too complicated but I'm very stressed at the idea of making a good impression. He told me a goal for the interns is for them to write a cover story but some just haven't had the time or the ability and I WANT that cover story. It would just be epic. But back to my classes, my first was Philosophy and that is going to be a nightmare. I've heard awful rumors about him and I got a glimpse of them for the one hour I had to spend with him. I'm just hoping I can stay afloat and not completely kill my GPA.

Apart from that, today was nothing great. The weather was cool and I got to wear my Steve Madden boots. I was loving how I looked and felt in them! And as for my love life, I'm going to say there is no one but there is definitely a crush. An old flame, no one knew and not even really a flame. An old flicker might be more appropriate but still.. I'm waiting it out. If not, I'm just going to keep on going. I've managed to stay in my happy-go-lucky mood for the most part and I'm proud of myself. Now I will return to Project Free Tv and catch up on True Blood.

Plenty of fish

.. are not on the internet. Their site should read plenty of psychos. I've literally been scared out of the site and just now deleted my profile. I am officially done with online dating. I rather be alone for all of my life with 12 cats than deal with these immature little boys who have ridiculous ideas of how a "relationship" should be. The jokes on me, really, since I entertained them and the idea of actually meeting someone decent through these stupid sites. The commercials LIE. It's false advertising, I swear. I've just gotten into the most absurd fight I will EVER get into with someone who is NOT my boyfriend, never wanted to be but fought with me until he was blue in the face to try and cover up his contradictions. This might be tolerable if he was my age but he isn't. I'm so angry and so disgusted with him and ME for not listening to my instincts and shutting this creep out sooner. It's the "I-will-ruin-your-life" kind of anger but he doesn't have much of that so there's no point. UGHhhhhFUCKBASTARDAKFH409RJFOJLDKSMLDSSAdskfjsdklfds.

Wordz

I called this words because that's all it's going to be. There's no purpose and for once, I'm not going to complain or be super emo because I'm actually good right now. For no particular reason, and even despite the fact that I've been spending large amounts of time in my room since I moved in, I'm feelin' ok. I have to keep reminding myself I'm here early and my babies aren't all back yet. I have a few lunch dates lined up, one that I'm sort of nervous to even go on but I don't feel like writing about him just yet. Actually, I have written about him but he doesn't have a nickname. I'll think about it and get back to this. But.. I'm getting excited to be back in class. I'm ready for my mind to pour over different things other than my questionable love life and family troubles. Im especially excited to start my internship. As much as I am nervous, I am anxious to finally get a taste of what it's like to write for an actual print publication, something people outside of my college community read. It's weird, having all this time because my summer, I was constantly on the go between Red Robin, summer class, and shuffling between friends and family. I think I'm just really taking the time to relax and have time to myself and let myself be optimistic about the semester to come and to forget my shortcomings and my not so graceful moments.

But other than that, yesterday I bought the soundtrack for the movie 500 days of Summer and I've never fallen in love with an inanimate object so hard as I have with this soundtrack. It's just..perfect. It's a lot of Indie artists like Regina Spektor, The Smiths, Feist, Wolfmother, and Mumm-Ra. Lately, I've been listening to a few more Indie artists like the Softpack and I have yet to be disappointed. Right now, I'm just all about changes, new things, and new hopes. I hope it lasts =)

Home sweet home (sort of)

I am officially moved in to my new apartment for my junior year of college!

That's weird, saying I'm a junior. I moved in a day early because I'm going to be an orientation assistant and help coordinate the new freshman, with moving in and events and such. When we did some ice breaker activities, they split us up by grade and listening to people in my grade say "Hi my name is..lalala..and I'm a junior," I felt SO weird. Honestly, I still feel like a freshman even though I have come such a long way since then. It's just so unreal. bUT the apartments are really nice and have a modern feel to them. Two of my roommates have just moved in and I'm anxious to see how we all get along together. My roommate from last year is with me and I'm in love with her so that'll be good. I have some more training for orientation assistant in a couple hours. It's weird, blogging so early in the day. Summer is so over :(

If you're gonna be there, be there

I've either been too busy, tired, or depressed to blog. It seems like I can't avoid being emotional about something.. whether it's not being able to order wings for dinner, my ex-boyfriend, or a song played on an acoustic guitar.. it's unavoidable. Tonight? Upset that I fooled myself into thinking you could meet an honest man with relationship potential on a site that refers to the sex your looking for as fish.

Although I have been incredibly good about my ex-boyfriend, keeping him blocked and refusing to think of him, the more and more I endure relationship mishaps, the more I'm convinced I'll never find something that compares to him, or at least the old him. Case and point? I met someone literally 3 days ago and since we've exchanged numbers and iChat. He's not Brad Pitt but there's something about him that draws me to him and makes me anxious when I don't know I'm going to talk to him next. BUT.. the fallback is he is EXTREMELY attracted to me, so much so that it's all he ever talks about, refers to, suggests as solutions to problems (etc). I see some of my ex-boyfriend in him and can't tell if it is the part that attracts me to him or if it is the part that repels me. I was so annoyed with him tonight that I didn't even want to talk. Since, he's gone to bed but here I am, awake with thoughts like this. I'm getting choked up just writing this because I'm sad. I'm really sad and I don't know how to make this hurt any less.

God, I need school. It'll give me plenty of distractions.

Daylight - Matt and Kim

I've done it. All the money I made this summer, all the aggravating hours I've spent pouring over milkshakes and bottomless fries have led me to this point: an official Macbook owner :) RIP Dell. Once I make way to the W-B for school, I'll leave it behind for my sister to play the Sims on and that's about as useful as that machine will be. It's so surreal, actually having the money to spend on this. I'm already smitten like a kitten.

Other than that, I had my last Western Civ class - good riddance Santa! I pulled off a B, maybe? I've been doing some apartment shopping (nothing like last minute) and got some kitchen supplies, a television that I opened and found that I'm missing screws?, and some school supplies. At 3 am yesterday, I was going hard on my room, finding out what things I had and or needed for school since this time next week, I'll be breaking in my new apartment bed with my new comforter :) Sigh, summer.. I'll miss you. However, I did find A LOT of loose change and a birthday check I never cashed for forty bucks..bonus! Although, this morning I couldn't find it haha TYPICAL.

Why am I even awake? My body is so ready to be on college time.

1 week

I got stiffed on a 50 dollar bill tonight.. What. The. Fuck? I was so nice to them, even when the lady ate half her sandwich and decided she wanted a new bun, "The bun isn't fresh. It's too crumbly." OH, so glad you realized that after you salivated all over the meat. But overrall, I made some decent cash and hope this next weekend helps me rake it in because it's time to get my computer!

I had some yummy pancakes with one of my bestest this morning nd it was a nice way to start my day. After I got to work, though, it sortof went down hill. My favorite manager, Jenn, had her last night today and when we gave her flowers and a cake, she got emotional so naturally, I got emotional. It's like an instant reflex: if I see someone crying in front of me, on screen in a movie or commercial, or over the phone.. I CRY. It doesn't help I already cry about everything too. The upside to the night, however, was Italian Stallion. I feel like I layed some groundwork (he has my number ;]) so we'll see. We'll only work together one more day. I can't believe I'm going back to school in a week..so not ready.

Goody, like two shoes

So, the other night I stayed up and read all of my old blog posts. I noticed how most of them are me being super emo and complaining or ranting about boys and other stupid things. One of my blogs I vowed to be more upbeat..but that lasted for a minute. I wish this was a preface to say I'm going to try and make good on that but I'm not. Tonight was not fun.

This morning I worked, made a lousy 20 bucks and came home to fall asleep. I had dreams about the boy I romped with at work and woke up to an empty house. Originally I had plans to go out but they didn't work out so I opted to watched Disney channel, hoping it would improve my Friday night. It did but when Phineas and Ferb came on, I couldn't muster the strength to find something more age appropriate and so I decided to read Eclipse. Actually, I should say I read portions of Eclipse because I started on page 180 and skipped chunks of certain chapters. I just fell in love with Edward again and I got emotional for the ending: Bella finally choosing him over Jacob. You think I'd be used to these heartwrenching decisions because I'm all up on soap operas but nope, still cried. It just made me sad and now I'm in this weird mood, playing sad music on my iPod (ironically 'Never Think' by Rob Pattinson just came on) and I want to curl in a ball and lay in the dark. Why are my emotions so retarded? I feel like I can never be content for more than 5 seconds. I went out last night, had a good night with my sister and her friends, and this morning was particurlarly flirty with Italian Stallion, although he shut me down to hang out. I can't figure him out.. he winks and calls me cutie, but when I offer invites for him to feel me up, he declines. Ok, I don't really say feel me up.. but still. Being miserable is not fun and being a somber sally is not attractive.

Sigh. One day these blogs are going to be bursting with sunshine and endorphins. Tomorrow I'm going to the beach so maybe a day by water will help me with my mood.

Somebody to love

I was watching Ella Enchanted this morning and Anne Hathaway was belting out "Somebody To Love" and now I can't get the Queen song out of my head. How ironic because it could be the anthem of my life.

I can't remember if I mentioned but recently I've taken to a new online dating site and I've been getting a few interesting e-mails. Today, a mature and VERY nice looking man indulged me with a lengthy e-mail and a "Hope we can talk more" end note. My fingers are crossed that it goes somewhere but with the kind of luck I've been having, I won't hold my breathe. School is slowly approaching and I am so unprepared. All I have for my new apartment is my comforter. I have yet to contribute to the kitchen, living room, bathroom (etc). It doesn't help my roommates are little Suzi Homemakers and have been spending the summer buying cute little things here and there. I'm such a procrastinator. However, I do plan on FINALLY getting my laptop this weekend and I'm also going to bang out some back to school shopping. I'm going to look for little things for the apartment too because I'm starting to feel bad.

20 years old and I've been on two dating sites. Is that so bad? Another co-worker of mine said I shouldn't be in such a rush but I can't help it. The single Corona-influenced nights are getting old and I want something steady and functional. The other day I was at the gym and saw some tan toddlers walk in with their sleeveless shirts and Kobe Bryant shorts and couldn't help but glance over their pubescent muscles. In the future, I predict myself to be a Cougar. I don't know what it is.. my taste in men - age, size, color, hair - is always the same. Lately, I've been rocking the cradle. A therapist would make bank off the thoughts and feelings I'd bring to the table.

P.S Haven't heard from the ex. Does he know?

Close but no cigar

I made good on my promise and went to the gym today. However, I also ate french fries and chinese food. You can't win em' all.

Work tonight was nothing exciting. It was so disgusting, temperature wise, in the restaurant. I was sweating more than when I worked out this afternoon. It was worse because one of the cuter bussers was on tonight.. I'm not sure if I nicknamed him but I'll just call him Big Arms. Big Arms is adorable and if he could just love me, everything would be alright. I'm not sure what to do with the rest of my Monday night.. probably get more food then watch TV or put in a movie.

1000 clever lines

Another weekend has come and gone and tonight, at 12:32 in the morning, I'm in a strange mood. For the past hour & a half, I've been listening to Ashley Tisdale's "It's Alright, It's Ok" and I can't stop. If my laptop wasn't a dilapitated piece of crap, I could upload it to my gym playlist for tomorrow. Slowly but surely I'm getting back into the gym - last week I went one day, haha. It's pitiful actually but this week - FOR REALZ - I'm hittin' it everyday and I'm going to throw away the two bags of chocolate I bought (and have been binging on) this weekend.

Friday night, my older sister and I decided last minute to go to Abyss, an overrated club a couple towns over. We pre-gamed and danced our man troubles away. I wore these killer heels that made me tall and feel delicious. I wear them around the house like slippers because I just love them. Saturday I worked but my tips could have fooled you - it was dead city. I came home to shovel away a pint of Ben & Jerry's and finished my book, People Are Unappealing by Sara Barron. It's a good laugh and she even had a chapter devoted to serving. One line she wrote was epic and has stuck with me, "Service with a smile is a response, not a guarentee." I haven't decided what to read next. I think Wuthering Heights because I'm in the mood for an old fashioned, almost impossible to read romance novel. Also, Twilight has had me wanting to read it for the longest time. But, the book I just finishedwas a memoir and anytime I read a memoir, I think: "I can do this!" Honestly, I've had jobs that show me the worst sides of people. I have had thoughts of jumping behind a counter and giving paper cuts to customers with their fake coupons. I've wanted to launch a ninja attack on guests who don't know how to tip. I've taken the plan B pill and engaged in scandalous escapades. I think Macy's is high end shopping and drive a Buick that breaks down on cue. I have a membership to a few online dating sites, I mean COME ON! And then I tweet about them. I could have literary gold on my hands if I tried. At least I think so, but anyway.

I'm sick and my tubes hurt. I'm fortunate to have my tubes hurting though so I'm not complaining. Thinking of starting a new blog, something less personal so I can post it on Facebook. Does that make me self-absorbed? Whatever. I'm going to turn it in.. but not after I check my newest online dating account. Ugh, I make myself sick.

I can't think of a good title

The day is almost over and it wasn't one for the books. I woke up early to work and when I got home, I fell asleep watching episodes of J.O.N.A.S. I was mortified when I went into work because my Italian Stallion busser picked up a shift and I decided not to make-over my face or run a brush through my hair. Homeboy saw me and I was a hot mess. For some reason, I didn't wake up in a good mood so at work I kept to myself and he asked, "Why are you so quiet today?" So he notices me :) haha, pathetic!

Tonight, I checked for my class schedule today and refreshed my memory on which professor's I'm taking. A friend of mine took philosophy and she said she had the worst teacher so I asked her who it was and luckily I don't have him... apparently, I have worse. She heard he's a jerk and really hard. Ratemyprofessors.com says he's really clear and engaging with the material, and others say you don't get a good grade if you don't answer the way he wants you to. When it comes to writing, not to toot my own horn, but I can lay it down. I'm talking news articles, short stories, essays, blogs, tweets.. whateva. When it comes to philosophy and ethics.. not so much. I already know this class is going to give me a headache.

P.S Demi Lovato started to cry during her Tampa concert a couple weeks ago and I just watched it on youtube.. and started crying. My life...

Funny People

I have so many passwords, it's ridiculous. I usually keep the same one for easy, quick log-ins for since I'm apart of so many social networking sites(they're like crack). But, a few of my accounts have needed me to change them and now when I log in to anywhere, it takes me 10 minutes to get it right. It happened just now logging in here so that's why I'm talking about it.

Anyway, tonight I went to see the movie Funny People. Personally, I don't like Adam Sandler - I don't find any of his stuff funny at all. I might have a disease but I can't help it. I wanted to see the movie more because of Seth Rogen, whose new slim figure makes him even more delicious, and I'd say I was mildly entertained. What was going on inside the theatre was a little more interesting, and uncomfortable. A couple in front of us were getting busy but the odd thing was, they weren't teenagers. In fact, the dude was in a shirt and tie and the girl in a black dress. Since when did getting some in a public venue become a black-tie affair? At first, she looked like she was busy with her hands then she layed down in his lap.. he nuzzled her neck with kisses and then he layed on her chest (I just reread this and it sounds like I'm writing a soft-core porn novel but I'm not). Then, it looked like they were fighting! I thought maybe he was crying because she wouldn't give in. When the sinners calmed down, a couple behind of got all cuddly and origami-like with their bodies. It was a straight up brothel.. my friend and I were the only one not getting it in. But back to the movie.. Daisy was my favorite character.

I think the funniest part was on the drive home I proposed I should be a stand-up comedian and I started spitting some lines to my friend. Here's what we came up with:

"Most comedians come up here and joke about their dicks and balls. I don't have a dick so I guess I'm not going to be funny. I have some crack in the back though, if you wanna do some lines or something.."

"So, this one time, my friend and I were at a mall. You'd think we were browsing for some clothes but no. Actually, we were looking for some hair pieces. It was a time long before "Bump It" was available in stores. We were trying them on, having fun with fake hair when a small asian lady came over, yelling that they were not toys. My friend shouted back that she had lost great customers! What's up with that?"

"When I get home, my mom is going to have a cow. She's going to be like 'Stephanie! You're not allowed to be out gallavanting past 10 p.m, celebrating your youth!"

"This kid I messed around with..his facebook status was "I wish I had some limes for these Coronas" and I wanted to reply "I wish you never saw me with my pants off..and had some Coronas to forget about it."

..Ok, some of those were just clips from our actual conversations but it could work.

P.S I have a new AIM term.. baggle.
Bustin.A.Gut.Gettin'.Laughs.Everywhere.
- tell all your friends. spread it like wild fire.

Happy August

24 days until I move back to the good ol' W-B. I have a brand new apartment waiting for me and I cant wait to cover my walls with new decor and pictures of my boyfriend and girlfriend, Zac Efron & Hayley Williams. On my drive home from work tonight, I felt all upbeat and awake and now as I sit here and write this, I'm feeling a little drowsy. Work tonight was a LOT better money wise as opposed to yesterday. When I got to work, it didn't look like it was going to be a good night. I had a stupid section and my manager pissed me off.. as well as new servers getting really good sections, sections I SHOULD HAVE. But as the night progressed, I started acting silly with some of my other good server friends and it worked out. It also helped I had some big tables that left some nice tips :) I worked tonight with a boy I romped around with a bit and decided I hate that he's seen me with my pants off. Although, tonight we had a normal conversation that I actually enjoyed. I wish it could go back to that ..not having to worry about being too suggestive or forward (since we've already taken it forward and let's just say a re-do is in order). What I need right now is a tone, tall, bronze and muscular man to dip my feet in buttermilk and give me a fabulous foot rub. I bought new shoes for work and breaking them in is not fun :(

P.S I still haven't returned *his* phone call. It's been 7 days of 0 communication and that's something to celebrate. I feel like I'm kicking a crack addiction, haha. I'm getting there.. slowly but surely.